I caught myself, a moment ago, imagining all the conversations we would have.  It made me smile… Even if it wasn’t real.

I hate that you’re living with her.

I hate that I hate that you’re living with her.

I hate thinking about you when you’re with her—

and I torture myself by picturing the way you are with her.

I hate that I love you.

But I hate that you love me more—

At least I would do something.

Today was the first time we’ve spoken in ages.  You told me you missed me and the best thing I could say back was “I bet”.  I was just too afraid to say that I missed you too.

I truly love Venice, Italy, not only because you have the chance to take a boat ride to different places, but because the people here are amazing and aren’t afraid to give a good compliment.

In one night, I have been called “bellisima” and have been invited to go on a romantic walk with two beautiful Italian men.  Where else can a girl ask for more?

Last night, I was drunk and decided to listen to my iPod as I fell asleep.  A song came on that reminded me of you and I started crying.

I feel so pathetic right now.

That weekend we spent together was filled with music and sex. It was fun… But I forgot my heart in that bed.

I’m getting on a plane in a few hours to go to England.  The distance between us is shortening, and you haven’t spoken to me for the past week to try to coordinate a meet up.  Do you even want to anymore?

“Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?”

Sometimes I’ll stay up all night long, wondering if you’re thinking about me like I am about you.

The last night I was there, I asked you if it was bad that I wanted another hug, and you came back for me.  We spent the whole night together, just talking. It could have possibly been one of the best nights of my life… I never thought that you would ever tell me that you regret doing that.

But, you just have.  And yet…

They say that time could heal all wounds… Make people forget… Make feelings change.

Even though we’re so far apart… Even though we haven’t spoken for days…

I still feel the same way about you.

But, that won’t change it, and I understand.

All I want is for you to be happy.

You asked me what I felt about you.  I lied when I said I wasn’t sure.  But, as you started walking away, I realized that if I didn’t say anything at all, I would be letting the one person who makes me smile walk away.  So, I said it.

I like being around you.

Was that enough?

Last night we went to the park and you took me to the play area, where we sat on the swings and talked about ourselves.  I was so scared to admit what I thought about myself… But with you there, it was easy to change my negative thoughts.

Thank you for thinking I’m better than what I really am.

Maybe, if you had treated me better, we wouldn’t be in this situation.

I used to think I’d be so lost without you.  But these days, as you fade into the back of my mind, I’m realizing there’s so much out there… So much more for me that you were holding me back from.  Were you scared I’d run away?

Well, I did.

I remembered, today, that you used to call me your “Tootsie Roll”.  It made me laugh.